What makes so many of the world leaders turn into cold-blooded heartless killers? I wonder how their wives and children feel knowing that their husband or father is ordering the gruesome deaths of innocent civilians. I wish that one day the kids would sit their father down and say, “If you love us like you say you do, please stop because they are innocent children just like us.” I wish that their wives will ask them how they would feel if another man were to rape and torture them. Maybe the solution to end the evil lies in their homes.
You know something? Say what you like, but I think we’ve got a long way to go before we can control what is going on in our beautiful community. There is so much to do and who’s going to do it? You? Me? I mean come on look at us. We’re all sleepwalkers and we seem to be sleeping through the craziest things! Look at these recent headlines: ‘Man who ‘posed as doctor secretly filmed himself having sex with Muslim women before blackmailing them with footage’. Another evil, lying deceiver has been caught destroying the lives of the vulnerable, the gullible, and the ignorant and dare I say, the stupid!
So what are we going to do about it? The last time I had a rant about this, I upset one of my sisters, which of course I wasn’t happy about but I quickly came to terms with the fact that not everyone will agree with me regardless of whether I care about their wellbeing or not. The point is I still have a duty to be a voice of encouragement. I have to encourage my brothers and sisters to work together to help our ummah to become great again because we are far from it, as well you all know. I know sometimes we find it hard to get motivated enough to try to be a part of the solution because it’s so daunting and most of the time you probably feel that your words are falling on deaf ears, but think about the people you’ll be able to save from scumbags who are out there purely to have their evil way.
Let’s take a closer look at this most recent case: The independent reported that the 38 year old from Cardiff, ‘is accused of targeting the women, secretly filming them and then threatening to bring shame upon them and their families by publishing the videos unless they gave him money and gifts. Cardiff Crown Court heard that he is accused of voyeurism, blackmail, theft and fraud – including pretending to be a doctor – in order to commit a string of offences over a three-year period.’ The article goes on to say that he found the sisters on a ‘Muslim dating site (not the same one I recently reported about). One of the complainants, who was single, said they exchanged messages and telephone calls before arranging to meet a few weeks later. ‘She thought he was a successful doctor, but he was in fact a taxi driver.’
I’ve already posed the question of whether sisters should take at least a small portion of the blame, but this time it’s not about blame because once that word enters into the conversation, it as though all doors of understanding close. Of course I blame the man who wilfully went on to those marriage websites looking for gullible victims. He clearly went on there to exploit and destroy. His mind was hell-bent on living off women through blackmail. Look how one sin leads fluidly to another. One of the things that disturb me most is the fact that these crimes have a bigger impact on us than we actually realise. I featured this on one of my shows a while back where sisters reported that they were left with STDs after falling into the trap left by marriage predators. Most of those sisters were completely free of blame because they went through the marriage process. It just so happened that the brothers who had married them were known offenders and had left a trail of broken women in their wake.
Earlier I mentioned that we are sleepwalking and I don’t think any of you will disagree. We know these things are happening but whenever a new case emerges, there’s a momentary uproar and then we go on as though nothing happened, until it happens again. I’d like to thank Waheed Rahman on facebook for bringing this case to my attention. May Allah reward you for stirring me from my slumber. There’s no doubt that we have a disease in our community and this disease is spreading exponentially. However our beloved prophet may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him said that for every disease is a cure and in this case I believe an intrinsic part of the cure comes in the form of awareness. These issues need to be discussed and spread until everyone is aware of the dangers that lurk in the shadows. May Allah protect this beloved ummah from being destroyed from within by those who use it as bait for their unsuspecting victims ameen.
Please be warned in advance that this is going to be a rant because there are some actions that we are guilty of that are bang out of order. In fact these actions are tantamount to lying on our beloved prophet (May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). I’d like to start by reminding myself and then all of you that the actions of a people reflects on their leader. Whatever you see them doing, you will automatically conclude that this is what that leader teaches or how he himself behaves. It’s this very same understanding that has got me vexed. You see there are things that some of us do that’s down right disgusting to say the least. If you haven’t yet worked out what I’m banging on about, it’s the unclean practices of many of us. Let me give you an example. I work in a building where the majority of the people are Muslim. Now ordinarily that’s a great thing and I love it. However, it’s not so great when you go into the public toilets. That’s when you enter another world. It has honestly gotten so bad that even some of the non-Muslims have commented about it, which I have to say is quite embarrassing. My colleagues are equally as disgusted and have even gone as far as making announcements after the congregational prayers. It really is a sad and unfortunate state of affairs. Imagine if you equated this to a person’s character. On the outside (of the toilet) we’re well-mannered likeable and pleasant to be around. On the inside however, oooff! Not the same person at all. I’d really love to go into detail but I have my reasons for refraining. Just imagine the worst thing you can think of and chances are you won’t be too far off.
This is a blatant and nasty lie against the prophet (May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). Hygiene is an integral part of our faith but you’d never think so if you walked into a toilet after some Muslims have used it. What is this? Imagine a non-Muslim thinking that this is a part of our deen and something that the prophet allowed. What a filthy lie. Our beloved prophet said purity is half of iman (faith) but non-Muslims don’t know this so they can’t be blamed for believing that he said the complete opposite, based on how we conduct ourselves. In another hadith, he (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to take himself well away from the people when relieving himself so that no noxious sounds or smells could be experienced by those around him. This is truly a blessed hayaa (shyness) that has every regard for the people. In another hadith he said removing harmful things from the road is an act of charity. So you can see that it’s not fitting for a Muslim to leave harmful things for someone else to deal with. Lies! Total lies against the prophet.
Now for something completely disgusting…
A 46 year old restaurant owner pleaded guilty to 10 allegations of breaching food and hygiene regulations at Swindon Magistrates Court and is awaiting sentencing. Food inspectors discovered a bottle in the restaurant kitchen which was “covered in fecal matter.” The owner said that the bottle was used instead of toilet paper because of “cultural reasons”, which is fine but where the hell does it say that it’s ok to use a dirty bottle to purify yourself and can someone please tell me where it’s written that it’s ok to keep said bottle next to food products? I’m sorry but this man is a liar! A liar against our prophet. Harsh though my words may be, remember it’s our non-Muslim friends and neighbours who are being taught this lie. They see these practices and probably picture our prophet in this way. This is completely unacceptable. In a recent discussion with a non-Muslim, a colleague of theirs came up in the conversation. He is regarded by the team as being disgusting. He is known for sneezing in people’s faces and bending over next to a person who is seated practically pushing his backside in their face. The other thing they spoke about was what they refer to as his S*@t bottle. He keeps it in his drawer and its condition is unpleasant.
Being a revert I have to say that I could never imagine not purifying myself after using the toilet. I remember all those years ago using the instinja (water) bottle for the first time. It was an amazing experience. It’s only after this cleansing that you notice how much lighter you feel. You can’t beat this. The sad thing is some non-Muslims don’t regard our way as good or hygienic. I wonder where they got that impression from? Hmmmm. The level of cleanliness our faith insists upon is truly second to none. So where did so many of us go so wrong? It’s complacency of the worst kind and it’s the kind of thing that can come back on us with serious repercussions. We need to think about our actions and return to the way we were taught. Allah the Almighty says: “Truly God loves those who turn to Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves”. Quran 2:222
If you’re reading this rant and think you may be guilty of lying on the prophet, think about the way people might imagine him and then conduct yourselves better. Let’s stop being filthy liars.
Is there no end to the horror stories about misconduct on marriage websites? I have to admit that I’m perplexed and disgusted at the latest revelations. It’s like a double barrelled shotgun
I had a sister come to me for advice regarding a relationship she is in with a non-Muslim and I was saddened by how unashamed she appeared to be about her situation. She has been involved with this guy for around 18 months and he wants to take the relationship further. She has been giving him dawah although she does not have any real knowledge of the deen and does not set a visual example other than good manners. The next logical step for her is to get him to take his shahada so that they can get married. She is a lovely quiet sister who by her own admission doesn’t practice her deen, but does have a true love for it and is proud to be Muslim. Ok so fair enough there’s nothing new about that and you may be asking why I mentioned the double barrelled shotgun. So here goes: Whilst advising her on what she must do with immediate effect, She informs me that she met this guy on a Muslim marriage website. POW! That’s the first barrel. I was mortified and for the next 20 seconds I could no longer hear what she was saying. I had to stop her just so I could be sure of what she was telling me. She confirmed that she had indeed met him on one of the most popular MUSLIM marriage websites. There’s a reason I’m choosing not to mention the name of this service and that’s because I don’t want sisters just avoiding that one and blindly choosing another. I want you to be weary of all websites until they are able to reassure you that they have stringent guidelines in place to ensure your safety. The sister went on to tell me that there are non-Muslims of all nationalities on that site. “The person I am with is English but there are many hindus on that site.” She informed me.
Alhamdulillah I believe she will take my advice and will distance herself from him, make tauba and seek advice from a sheikh about marrying him if he takes his shahada and establishes the prayer. As I said earlier, I believe she has good intentions but I guess lack of knowledge and freedom to do as you wish, will always play a part in one’s demise.
For any non-Muslims reading you may be wondering what all the fuss is about. In Islam it is not permissible for a Muslim woman to be married to a non-Muslim because a woman is on the religion of her husband so that would instantly take her out of the fold of Islam. This means that any person involved in helping her in being with someone who will remove her from her religion has dire consequences to face when they come to their reckoning.
I will be contacting the website in question to let them know what is happening under their nose and I pray that they will take immediate action and not just brush it off. I mentioned in my last blog that these sites should be spending some of their profits on videos that will help to keep their customers safe. It’s a small price to pay to keep themselves out of the fire. Allah makes it clear in the Qur’an: …Help each other to goodness and heedfulness. Do not help each other to wrongdoing and enmity. Heed Allah. Allah is severe in retribution. (Surat al-Ma’ida: 2)
By now you must be wondering what the second blast is as I referred to a double barrel. Well on the very same day I hear about a sister who is married to a brother who doesn’t pray, fast or perform any of the other 3 obligatory pillars of Islam. You must be dying to know how long he’s been Muslim right? Well you’ve probably already guessed that he took shahada just before getting married and where did the loving couple meet? Yes you guessed it. The very same marriage website. POW!
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A recent article published by 5 Pillars reported the conviction of a fraudster who was jailed for eight-and-a-half years for conning two sisters out of £250,000, using fear, shame and cultural traditions as tactics to manipulate them.
Although the headline in itself is disturbing, what is even more worrying is the fact that this happened on a well-known online marriage website. I have had my concerns about many of these sites for years because they have become the hunting ground for marriage predators and fraudsters. People have been asking me the same question for some time. Who should take the blame for this? Of course this is a difficult one to answer without opening a can of worms right? But why shouldn’t people just say it as it is? Well funny enough most people do just that, but the answer always seems to depend on the gender group holding the discussion. Most sisters blame brothers because they cannot control their desires and therefore prowl marriage websites looking for the vulnerable and gullible. There appears however to be very few sisters who will blame sisters for allowing this to happen to themselves. My question is, has the time not come where sisters should explore the possibility that a portion of the blame just might belong to them?
People like Tahmoor Khan thrive off the fact that sisters don’t take precautions to protect themselves. For some unknown reason the predator never seems to fail to find his prey. Why is this? Could it be that sisters remain ignorant of the dangers? if it is, shouldn’t those who are aware be screaming from the rooftops to warn them? There seems to be a large number of sisters who fear that they may have lost their chance of getting married because they have left it too late. I fear that this is one of the reasons why they leave themselves so open to predation. At first you might not want to empathise with them because you feel that they should know better, but if you spent time alone the same way they have, you’d have a better idea of what they go through, BUT – giving these men your savings and even worse, is something that really does need understanding. One of Tahmoor Khan’s victims gave him £50,000 to purchase a Land Rover. Why would she do such a thing? That’s an unreasonable amount of money to give to an online acquaintance. Why wasn’t she able to get advice from her service provider?
This is what I don’t understand. Marriage websites have become hosts to these parasites. What the hell are they playing at? They make so much money from this service they provide. Surely a few thousand pounds spent on awareness videos and better vetting procedures would be just a drop in the ocean to them. Why aren’t they doing anything to stop these people? Yeah I hear you? I know what you’re saying. Money first and last right? Well it certainly looks that way from where I’m sitting. It’s time they take responsibility and spend some money to protect their sisters because they are more than just customers. I’m in no way suggesting that these sites are unsavoury, but I am requesting that they do more to stamp out these predators and fraudsters.
So back to the question I asked earlier. Where should we place the blame? The reality is that everyone gets a portion of the blame and we must accept this. What can we do to stop our sisters becoming prey? Well there’s probably no point in sending a message to the predators themselves because I’m sure they’ve heard it all before and it’s probably just water off a duck’s back to them. Still I have to remind you brothers. Whether you believe or not, those sisters will get their justice just as Tahmoor Khan’s victims have and if you get away with it in this life, Woe be to you because you will have lost for sure. I urge you to stop now and save yourself from the inevitable. To my sisters, I implore you to stop allowing this to happen to you. You need to keep this discussion going until it does the full rounds and everyone knows about it. You need to be the watchful eye over each other. When you hear that someone you know is speaking to a brother online, you need to get your checklist out to ensure that nothing underhand is taking place. Always involve your wali and never make excuses as to why you have to do this on your own. It’s just not worth it. You may begin strong but look up the story of Barseesa to see how even the best of us can be broken down over time.
And finally, my message to the service providers. Fear Allah and protect your sisters. If you are accountable, then your accountability is for 100s of sisters subhanallah. May Allah protect the honour of the innocent and bring justice to the guilty.
I’d like to start with an extract from a nonexistent book.
‘It started when they were both tagged onto a really funny post. He commented and then she commented and that’s when they noticed each other. He was mesmerized by her profile pictures. He spent hours looking at them. Anyway, one thing led to another and before they could type LOL, they were talking about marriage. What a joke. They had no real intention of getting married. They had neither the means nor the desire. But they were really drawn to each other. They fell hook, line and sinker into the social media road to hell.’
Although a work of fiction, it tells the story of what happens on Facebook every minute of the day. Sadly, dating and relationships are no longer alien to the Muslim community. Although still scorned, they are still becoming a common occurrence, even accepted by some parents aoothu billah. We can talk about why some parents allow this behaviour, but that has to be left for another occasion because it’s a topic that deserves its own time.
What I want to do today is to look at why it is a spiralling out of control and what we need to do as a community to stop it.
It’s a real shame how living in this day and age has made us completely ignorant of a time when our sisters were truly protected in every sense of the word. Women were honoured back then and men were disciplined. Desires were more controllable and there was much more integrity among the people. Picture a time where a leader of the people gathered a whole army so great in number, that as he said in his own words,’ when the first man from my army arrives. the last would have left the barracks’. And what was the reason for this? To protect the honour of a woman.
Nowadays, try to imagine the number of Muslim men who would dishonour a muslimah. Worse still, try to imagine the number of Muslim women who would let them, perhaps even encouraging them. What is happening!?
Why are we glamorizing haraam?
The biggest problem we have is that we don’t spend any time or effort showing how special the Islamic process is. In our mind we see it as a mundane process of elimination. Meet Ahmed, too short, meet Aisha, too big, meet Abdullah, too dark, meet Fatimah, too slim. What a stigma we’ve created. When some people think about the marriage process, it sends a shiver down their spines but it shouldn’t be like this.
Time for another extract from another nonexistent book…
There was an air of tension in the room as the chime of the doorbell bounced off the walls of the family home. It was an unusual sight to see an entire family feeling nervous about what was to follow, well almost everyone.
‘Well aren’t you going to answer the door Baba?’ Aisha seemed to be the only calm person in the room. This was her time and she was ready.
Moments later the reception was filled with greeting and laughter. Aisha’s father walked into the room closely followed by an attractive young brother dressed in a black designer thobe. Aisha suddenly felt nervous for the first time that day. Her father spoke ‘Aisha meet Zakaria, Zakaria meet Aisha’. This was by far the most exciting and special moment of her life. She took a fleeting glance at the young brother now standing in the doorway. Too short she thought, but such a nice smile.
Brothers and sisters, marriage in Islam is a wonderful thing, there’s no reason why it can’t be more exciting than dating. I can’t think of anything more special than ‘getting to know someone’ the halal way. The haraam way involves dating, having a relationship and worse. Just to see if the person is marriage material or not.
The halal process means that a sister is protected by her wali, but she can still get to know the brother. Trust me, zina is fraught with many dangers. The most significant being Jahannam as your final destination.
The prophet SAW said: Allah has decreed for the son of Adam his share of Zina which will inevitably catch up with him. The zina of the eye is looking and the zina of the tongue is speaking. The heart wishes and longs and the private parts confirms that or denies it.
This hadith tells is everything we need to know about why we must work hard to avoid zinah. It makes you reflect. The thought of Zina catching up with you brings many things to mind. One thing in particular is STDS.
There was a case a while back about a brother who was tricked into being alone with a sister. Now he was a man of integrity but on that day he was caught off guard. One thing led to another, as they say, and he was left with an incurable STD. If you find this anecdote scary, wait until you find out that cases like this are popping up all the time. By adopting a culture that is alien to Islam, we are spreading the poison among the innocent.
Allah tells us in surah Noor, ayah 26, ‘Impure women are for impure men and impure men are for impure women And pure women are for pure men and pure men are for pure women.’
Do you think that the ummah is free from diseases? I had the pleasure of knowing a brother who contracted an STD before he came to Islam. He was single and looking for a wife. MashaAllah in every marriage meeting he would not hesitate to let the sister know about his condition. This is honesty and integrity. Alhamdulilah he is now married.
If you were in his shoes, would you be as honest as he was? What about the people going around spreading this through Zina? The only way to protect yourself is to avoid Zina like the plague.
There are many challenges that make our struggle against Zina more difficult. Everywhere we turn we find Shaytaan enticing us towards evil aoothu billah. we have to contend with facebook, tv, magazines, celebrities and peer pressure. All of these things normalize haraam relationships. They make you feel abnormal if you’re not doing it. We have a battle on our hands. The battle with shaytaan and the battle with our naffs. But it’s a battle we must win.
Ways to Fight
Revive the Sunnah and understand its beauty.
Sisters beware of your profile pictures you post. Imagine your pictures testifying against you.
Try to increase your fear for Allah
Only speak to a brother looking for marriage through your wali
Brothers stay away from sisters profiles.
Before I go, one last extract.
‘It felt as though the night was never going to end. What a mistake! He thought he’d been on the road for 18hrs. such a stupid mistake coming off the motorway.’ He was returning from a night of evil, was she worth it? ‘What a mistake!’ he shouted, angrily slapping the steering wheel. ‘What the hell was I thinking? ‘Astaghfirullah! Astaghfirullah!’ He felt as though his life was over, no turning back. He may as well be dead. No Hope. No Hope.
Brother and sisters, if you feel like the character in the extract. If you feel as though you’re in too deep, don’t despair. there is still hope of forgiveness. Be comforted by Allah words:
‘Say oh my servants who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed Allah forgives all sins. Indeed it is He who is forgiving. The merciful.
Let’s work together to fight Zina.