I’d like to start with an extract from a nonexistent book.
‘It started when they were both tagged onto a really funny post. He commented and then she commented and that’s when they noticed each other. He was mesmerized by her profile pictures. He spent hours looking at them. Anyway, one thing led to another and before they could type LOL, they were talking about marriage. What a joke. They had no real intention of getting married. They had neither the means nor the desire. But they were really drawn to each other. They fell hook, line and sinker into the social media road to hell.’
Although a work of fiction, it tells the story of what happens on Facebook every minute of the day. Sadly, dating and relationships are no longer alien to the Muslim community. Although still scorned, they are still becoming a common occurrence, even accepted by some parents aoothu billah. We can talk about why some parents allow this behaviour, but that has to be left for another occasion because it’s a topic that deserves its own time.
What I want to do today is to look at why it is a spiralling out of control and what we need to do as a community to stop it.
It’s a real shame how living in this day and age has made us completely ignorant of a time when our sisters were truly protected in every sense of the word. Women were honoured back then and men were disciplined. Desires were more controllable and there was much more integrity among the people. Picture a time where a leader of the people gathered a whole army so great in number, that as he said in his own words,’ when the first man from my army arrives. the last would have left the barracks’. And what was the reason for this? To protect the honour of a woman.
Nowadays, try to imagine the number of Muslim men who would dishonour a muslimah. Worse still, try to imagine the number of Muslim women who would let them, perhaps even encouraging them. What is happening!?
Why are we glamorizing haraam?
The biggest problem we have is that we don’t spend any time or effort showing how special the Islamic process is. In our mind we see it as a mundane process of elimination. Meet Ahmed, too short, meet Aisha, too big, meet Abdullah, too dark, meet Fatimah, too slim. What a stigma we’ve created. When some people think about the marriage process, it sends a shiver down their spines but it shouldn’t be like this.
Time for another extract from another nonexistent book…
There was an air of tension in the room as the chime of the doorbell bounced off the walls of the family home. It was an unusual sight to see an entire family feeling nervous about what was to follow, well almost everyone.
‘Well aren’t you going to answer the door Baba?’ Aisha seemed to be the only calm person in the room. This was her time and she was ready.
Moments later the reception was filled with greeting and laughter. Aisha’s father walked into the room closely followed by an attractive young brother dressed in a black designer thobe. Aisha suddenly felt nervous for the first time that day. Her father spoke ‘Aisha meet Zakaria, Zakaria meet Aisha’. This was by far the most exciting and special moment of her life. She took a fleeting glance at the young brother now standing in the doorway. Too short she thought, but such a nice smile.
Brothers and sisters, marriage in Islam is a wonderful thing, there’s no reason why it can’t be more exciting than dating. I can’t think of anything more special than ‘getting to know someone’ the halal way. The haraam way involves dating, having a relationship and worse. Just to see if the person is marriage material or not.
The halal process means that a sister is protected by her wali, but she can still get to know the brother. Trust me, zina is fraught with many dangers. The most significant being Jahannam as your final destination.
The prophet SAW said: Allah has decreed for the son of Adam his share of Zina which will inevitably catch up with him. The zina of the eye is looking and the zina of the tongue is speaking. The heart wishes and longs and the private parts confirms that or denies it.
This hadith tells is everything we need to know about why we must work hard to avoid zinah. It makes you reflect. The thought of Zina catching up with you brings many things to mind. One thing in particular is STDS.
There was a case a while back about a brother who was tricked into being alone with a sister. Now he was a man of integrity but on that day he was caught off guard. One thing led to another, as they say, and he was left with an incurable STD. If you find this anecdote scary, wait until you find out that cases like this are popping up all the time. By adopting a culture that is alien to Islam, we are spreading the poison among the innocent.
Allah tells us in surah Noor, ayah 26, ‘Impure women are for impure men and impure men are for impure women And pure women are for pure men and pure men are for pure women.’
Do you think that the ummah is free from diseases? I had the pleasure of knowing a brother who contracted an STD before he came to Islam. He was single and looking for a wife. MashaAllah in every marriage meeting he would not hesitate to let the sister know about his condition. This is honesty and integrity. Alhamdulilah he is now married.
If you were in his shoes, would you be as honest as he was? What about the people going around spreading this through Zina? The only way to protect yourself is to avoid Zina like the plague.
There are many challenges that make our struggle against Zina more difficult. Everywhere we turn we find Shaytaan enticing us towards evil aoothu billah. we have to contend with facebook, tv, magazines, celebrities and peer pressure. All of these things normalize haraam relationships. They make you feel abnormal if you’re not doing it. We have a battle on our hands. The battle with shaytaan and the battle with our naffs. But it’s a battle we must win.
Ways to Fight
Revive the Sunnah and understand its beauty.
Sisters beware of your profile pictures you post. Imagine your pictures testifying against you.
Try to increase your fear for Allah
Only speak to a brother looking for marriage through your wali
Brothers stay away from sisters profiles.
Before I go, one last extract.
‘It felt as though the night was never going to end. What a mistake! He thought he’d been on the road for 18hrs. such a stupid mistake coming off the motorway.’ He was returning from a night of evil, was she worth it? ‘What a mistake!’ he shouted, angrily slapping the steering wheel. ‘What the hell was I thinking? ‘Astaghfirullah! Astaghfirullah!’ He felt as though his life was over, no turning back. He may as well be dead. No Hope. No Hope.
Brother and sisters, if you feel like the character in the extract. If you feel as though you’re in too deep, don’t despair. there is still hope of forgiveness. Be comforted by Allah words:
‘Say oh my servants who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed Allah forgives all sins. Indeed it is He who is forgiving. The merciful.
Let’s work together to fight Zina.